FEAR AND AWAKENING

Well what I would like to say today is about a feeling. A feeling that reoccur everyday in my life. When I wake up . the first thing I think about is the job which I need to do. A lots of which is undone. And it is always undone for me. As if I will never stop working throughout my life.

Before I jump into the matter I would like to describe my bed. I mean the bed where I sleep. Its 1.5 meters X 2 meters. exactly fit for ME. And cozy. The AC in my cabin will be to the full so its freezing cold out . and then there is this thick blanket which I have which is very soft . softness which has instigated lots of dreams. I will be under this blanket covered ,as if in my mothers womb. And a tight sleep after a tiring day’s work.

Well to talk about the feeling which reoccurs every morning in my life is quite strange. I don’t know how many of you have felt that. By the time im about to wake up my body will be quite hot and cozy and I hate to feel the cold air outside. Then my partner as if a routine , I don’t know why he says this dialogue as if marrying someone is an easy task for him “ ehh manu thu idhar shadi karne ke liye aaya hai kya , abhe uuut , our upper aajaa sallee. “ hearing this mantra I wake up every night ( coz I work night shifts). Then he puts on the light and says minimum 5 strong fucks aimed at the workers saying this is undone, that’s need more thought and all. I hear all this and nod my head as if I abide to all what he say. And then making sure I have waked up he leaves to have his dinner (my break fast).
As soon as he leaves I slip under my blanket to make my body hot again, It has already lost its coziness due to the cold air coming in. Then my thought process starts.
Starting from all the things that needs to be done. I feel a fear. Not about the work that needs to be done but about leaving my bed. You know how warm and cozy it was. I was lying peacefully out there. And here I am about to wake up to start my job. Isn’t this the same feeling that new born babies have while he is out of his mother’s womb? He was so happy inside his mothers womb, warm cozy as if he is inside the “blanket” . but when he comes out he is into the cold world. And I feel that is the reason why all babies cry . they cry due to the fear that rules them while coming into this world. If they do not cry they are pinched by doc’s to make them cry. To tell him clear that here is the pain that u need to undergo to keep u breathing. like someone has said that its by enduring hardships you learn to live, you learn to succeed in life. And everyday in our lives this fear comes back, the same fear that we had when we were out from ours mother’s womb.
So it was today that I called home and asked my mom about my first journey to this world. And then I realized that I was a guy who never cried while I came out rather was pinched by doctor clement (he was my doc) to make me cry. So here I am cursing that day when he pinched me giving my first pain in life. Had it not been for that I would have reached there where I long liked to be. A man without fear.

A secluded life

Well today is the day when i decided to start a blog. The reasons (well obviously i do all this for a reason because thats what my mechanical life has made me into, A reason seeking invincible idiot ) are solitude. Well i wont say lonliness because lonliness is pessimistic and solitude is positive.
Well currently im undergoing a positive lonliness or solitude in my life.The bliss of solitude. After the tiring work on deck,thinking about the forces and tensions that a structure may undergo while on installation,giving bizzare ideas as to how to install a structure i sit alone near the edge (yes its truly an edge ::: edge of life and death and i will tell you the reason later ) gazing the seas. It is then that thoughts come running to my mind and here i enjoy the bliss of solitude.Lost in thoughts a lot and lot of ideas come running to my mind.
So i decided to mark my thoughts in blog. You know im not a computer savy geek (infact i hate computers and thats the sole reason why i took up mechanical engineering as my major ) . But still i am really amazed at this world of blogging wherien we can communicate and put our thoughts for people to laugh,think,reject and rape.
Well its over for today but i will come again ... u know this is just the begining !!!!

THE ALCHEMIST

Known is a drop
unknown is an ocean